Updated: Aug 18
Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes!
Real talk. Change is hard you guys!! It’s so easy to slide downhill and just throw your hands up and scream, “I don’t F***ing care anymore!”. I’ve honestly hit those blocks. A few times with my writing, one time with motherhood when I found myself pulling my hair out over every small thing that I was allowing to bother me because it wasn’t what I had expected and completely out of my control. It was as if I was expecting my daughter to be a puppet because I felt like I had lost control over everything in my life and for a short day thought she should be the one controlling factor in my life.
"The most common definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results."
Boy oh boy was I incredibly wrong. I was frazzled, stressed and I have always been hard on myself and expecting perfection. Now the one word I wanted to use in the beginning of this paragraph was stupid instead of using the word wrong. Thing is, as moms, we are so insanely hard on ourselves! The most common definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. One of my absolute favorite mantras that I live by now (and hated when my mom use to say it but now thank her for it! I love you Mom!) is, “Nothing changes if nothing changes.” Let’s let that sink in. If we don’t make the changes to get our desired outcome, or we have no intention of making any changes to better our lives but we still expect things to get better, how do you imagine feeling when the desired outcome doesn’t happen? I know personally, I’d feel like a complete failure.
If we don't make the changes to get our desired outcome but expect that outcome, how do you imagine feeling when you don't get what it is you want?
My personal experience with this were regarding my financial and weight loss journeys. For a long time I’ve been wanting to lose weight again after switching from an active job to a desk job and then to become debt free after getting a loan for my car and those oh so lovely student loans and credit cards. It is so incredibly easy to just grab a snack and hang out scrolling YouTube or Instagram or to pull out a credit card to pay for the groceries rather than setting aside the proper amount of money to ensure the debt doesn’t happen. I know, I experience it myself. You are not stupid or lazy. You are human!
Life happens, but what we need to do is accept and acknowledge where we are and take a moment to self evaluate where we are and how we feel about it. Take a little time to write down how you feel, what you want to fix and where you want to go. If you’re more of a visual person, make a poster (or set aside space in a journal or planner) of where you are now with images that resonate for you and place it where you will see it daily then place next to it images that make you feel inspired and motivated to make some kind of change. Like I said above, nothing changes if nothing changes. We honestly cannot keep doing the same things and expecting a different outcome. It’s just not realistic.
For me, I have in the back of my planner a “My Current Life & My Life Vision” list and I am currently taking some time to write “My Work Life Vision” so I can see some goals or scenarios that make me feel fulfilled just by reading it and writing it. This helps me when I want to go shopping or eat that 2nd piece of pizza (or let’s face it, the entire Italian Cheesy Bread at Little Caesars! Yes, I can eat an entire box of that in one siting. Should I? Definitely not!), I can look at my reminder of what I want my future to look like and make decisions based on that vision. If you’d like to see what a my “ideal” day would look like, I’m happy to put that up in a post to show you an example and what moves me! It may trigger you as well!
The one hardest thing to remember is to show grace. At least I know it is for me. We are our own worst critics. When we don’t show ourselves grace and we focus on the, “I’m a screw up” or the “I’m such a failure” mentalities, we’re not going to get anywhere. We stay in the depressive state with anxiety and self loath. That’s not helping anyone especially not us.
So, with all of that being said; what do you say? Want to join me on this amazing journey called Life where we can be anything we want, show our beautifully authentic colors and spread our light through internal changes and growth!? Change IS hard and it CAN hurt but it’s not painful, just uncomfortable and that discomfort is where the growth is!
Join me on Instagram @momgoneboss_coaching or feel free to check out some of my other blog posts here on Motherhood Coffee Talk! I look forward to talking with you soon!